from systemic conditioning to sacred resistance—a case study in choosing conscience over compliance
the /rōoted/ leader # 18 - on values, intuition, and choosing to walk away
The meeting had gone exactly as I expected—and that was the problem.
It was spring 2021, and I was presenting the outcomes from the Daring Leaders Project—an innovative empathy-centered leadership program I’d created—to senior leaders across my organization. The results were extraordinary, demonstrating measurable impacts at individual, team, and organizational levels in just under a year. The first- and second-line leaders in our program had used what they’d learned over the course of nine months to transform their approach to building trust and connection with staff. Their teams were performing better and caring for each other, even in the face of pandemic uncertainty and grief. We were seeing cultural shifts happening in local offices in real time as leaders in our program, empowered with new skills and knowledge, launched initiatives within their offices with the goal of creating more empathy and connection.
The data should have been cause for celebration and discussion.
But as I spoke into the void of black boxes on the screen, I was met with silence and no acknowledgment of what I was sharing—until I finished—when, a comment in the chat that made my stomach drop: "I don't understand why we continue to put money and resources toward these programs that don't contribute to meeting the mission."
Don't contribute to meeting the mission?
In that moment, watching colleague after colleague add thumbs-up reactions to that comment—with not a single person acknowledging the work my team had done to keep people functioning during the darkest days of the pandemic—I knew I couldn't keep trying to humanize a system that refused to see the humanity of the people working within it. I knew in that moment that it was time for me to go. That my values were so far out of alignment with my organization and staying would be a betrayal of the kind of organization—and world—I wanted to help create.
Walking away was more than a professional decision—it was an act of what I have come to realize was sacred resistance—the courage to resist systems that harm the very people dedicated to fulfilling their beautiful mission statements. Systems that are working exactly as designed.
To extract. To erase. To dehumanize.
And in trying to survive inside them, many of us lose sight of who we are.
In the simplest terms, sacred resistance is about choosing presence over performance, humanity over hustle, ancestral wisdom over systemic conditioning—especially in systems where our conditioning about success, self-worth and productivity runs deep. It means staying connected to our mind, body, spirit, and values—the things that make us whole human beings—even when the systems we operate within would prefer we compartmentalize ourselves to do the work and nothing more—demanding only our silence, productivity, and compliance.
Like many leaders, I'd learned early that success meant compartmentalizing—bringing only the "professional" parts of myself to work while leaving my intuition, spirituality, and full humanity at the door. After the 2016 election, this fragmentation intensified as I experienced what I now recognize as moral injury—being asked to enforce policies that violated my core values while working within systems actively harming the people I'd dedicated my career to serving.
My survival response was to work harder, be more perfect, and convince myself I could fix things from the inside. But the truth is, I was terrified of leaving. Terrified of losing my identity, security, and purpose. Who would I be if I wasn’t a public servant?
When my mother passed away in 2019, something in me cracked open. I realized how short life is and how much energy I'd been spending maintaining a professional persona that wasn't real. Every time my intuition told me that people were suffering and needed healing spaces, that trauma was blocking our ability to serve others effectively, that our obsession with metrics was dehumanizing the very people trying to meet the mission, I'd immediately translate these insights into palatable corporate speak about 'employee engagement' and 'retention strategies.' I was censoring the deeper truth and wisdom my spirit could see.
That 2021 meeting was my wake-up call: I'd been asking systems designed to dehumanize people to suddenly care about human flourishing.
Walking away required three fundamental shifts: reconnecting with my intuition as a leadership practice, not a liability; grounding my work in my values rather than organizational approval; and trusting there was a path forward even when I couldn't see it clearly.
Trusting these shifts and sharing my experiences created ripples I couldn't have anticipated. When leaders choose sacred resistance over compliance, it creates permission for others to do the same. When we stop fragmenting ourselves, we make it safe for others to be whole too. The work I do now—helping leaders integrate their humanity into their leadership—is exactly what I was trying to do inside the system. But now I can do it in a way that better aligns with my values and vision for a world rooted in empathy, connection, and care.
Standing in the space between unlearning and becoming isn't easy. It left me feeling overwhelmed and at times lonely, knowing that my vision wasn't something everyone could see or understand—yet. But it's in this space where we start the process of becoming who we are beneath all the conditioning, which is perhaps the most sacred act of resistance we can offer.
If you're reading this and feeling that familiar tension—not just between who you are and who your organization expects you to be, but between your values and what you're being asked to do—you're not alone. If you're feeling the betrayal from leaders in your organization or the larger collective betrayal happening in our country, which is impacting every sector but especially those serving others as empathy is weaponized and self-interest is modeled over caring for the collective, that awareness is sacred resistance calling.
To pause, to question, to shift direction—these aren't signs that we're lost. They're signals that we're remembering, reconnecting, rooting into something deeper than approval, productivity, or profit.
Some questions to consider:
- What parts of yourself do you leave at the door when you come to work?
- What would change if you brought your full wisdom—including your spiritual knowing—to your leadership?
- Where are you being asked to comply with systems that violate your values?
- What would sacred resistance look like in your context?
This moment in our collective history doesn't need more compliant leaders who can execute strategy while ignoring their conscience. We need leaders who are willing to stand in their values and stay connected to their humanity, even when doing so means pushing past fear and expectations to challenge systems designed to extract, erase, and dehumanize. Wanting better isn't enough. As leaders, sacred resistance is what allows us to stay true to ourselves while serving the needs of others—demanding a collective unlearning of systems that prioritize profit over people, performance over presence, hustle over humanity.
We don't have to keep performing for systems that were never built to honor the full breadth of our humanity. We can choose a different path—one that not only leads us home to ourselves, but helps to transform the world along the way.
Leading in the space between unlearning and becoming isn't easy—but it's in this space where we start the process of stepping fully into our leadership, and that's the level of leadership this moment in our history demands.
workshops, circles + book events
📍 Tuesday, June 17 | 7pm–8:15pm EST | online via zoom
📍 Sunday, June 29 | 11am–12:15pm EST | online via zoom
from rupture to rising—transforming pain into purpose in life’s threshold moments (workshop) | FREE
What if the moments that break us open are actually invitations to rise into who we're meant to become? Join me for a free workshop exploring how life's most difficult threshold moments—job loss, relationship changes, health challenges, identity shifts—can become gateways to deeper purpose and authentic living through story-healing.
📍 Wednesday, June 18 | 4pm–5:30pm EST | online via zoom
vicarious trauma in the legal profession (panel discussion) | FREE
I’m grateful for the opportunity to join a panel discussion hosted by Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers about a topic that is near and dear to my heart—vicarious trauma in the legal profession. Attorneys are frequently exposed to the trauma of others—through client stories, case files, and legal advocacy—which can result in vicarious trauma, the emotional and psychological residue of being exposed to the pain and suffering of others. This webinar will explore how vicarious trauma impacts legal professionals, offer practical guidance for managing its effects, and hear from those with lived experience.
calls for stories + lived experiences
SURVEY - understanding the impact of the aid funding crisis on humanitarian health + well-being | closes June 13
Rebecca Dempster, Gemma Houldey and I recently put out a survey to the humanitarian sector exploring how the dismantling of programs and institutions as well as recent funding cuts have impacted those in humanitarian, development, and aid work — not just professionally, but more holistically in all the ways that matter: mentally, physically, relationally, spiritually. In addition to understanding the impacts, we also want to get a sense of how best to support individuals and organizations in the sector. If you’re in the humanitarian sector we’d love to hear from you to ensure our response is informed by your concerns and experience, and please share with others who would find this helpful too. The survey will take 3-5 minutes to complete and is anonymous.
exploring how love and care can serve as catalysts for survival and resistance in the spaces between
I'm working on a new project that explores how those tending to the world's wounds sustain themselves and others through acts of love and care—for strangers, for land, and for self, in the space between trauma and healing, burnout and rest, extraction and resistance, grief and joy, seen and unseen. Through narratives and spiritual ecology, the project aims to show how love serves as a catalyst for survival and resistance in the liminal spaces within dehumanizing and oppressive systems.
You can contribute by writing a letter, sharing your story through an interview, or both. To learn more about the project and contribute just click on the button below.
If you'd like to learn more about my exploration into liminal spaces and thresholds, check out this essay.
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tell me my story is now available as an audiobook!
I’m honored to share that the audiobook version of Tell Me My Story: Challenging the Narrative of Service Before Self is now available. If you or someone you love has struggled with what it means to serve without sacrificing your well-being, this book is for you. Part memoir, part manifesto, and 100% my heart. If you listen and find something that resonates, please drop me a line, or better yet, please consider leaving a review. Every review helps indie authors like me reach more people. You can read more about my experience with recording the book here and find links to get the audiobook below.